If I Wouldn't Have (One Shot)
by Brunetteangel95
Summary: "How can you say that after what I have done to you?" His voice was filled with a self hatred that she had never heard before, a coldness that was foreign to her ears. "I betrayed you, I caused you to suffer. I took everything from you, yet you still say those things to me." (Soo-Won X Yona Angst) Warning: Slight spoilers up to chapter 120.
Yona tiptoed silently out of the tent in which she was staying with Yun. Hak and the rest of the dragons were fast asleep after their long day of fighting. Everything had happened so fast, but thankfully everyone left the battlefield safe and sound. She grabbed a bow and her quiver full of arrows and set off limping down a dirt path and into the woods, careful not to wake her sleeping friends. She followed along the moonlit path until coming upon a clearing that bordered a flowing river. Stringing her bow, in an elegant fashion, she aimed at the tree. Her breathing calmed, her focus on the center, her core tight and her bow steady. With an exhale she let the arrow slip through her fingers with grace. In an instant, the arrow was directly in the middle of the truck of the tree. It hit the mark. Taking out another arrow, the young princess drew back her weapon only to stay there, her eyes far away. She had seen it all. The graceful way that he held the bow in his hands, his body remaining steady and calm in such a tense atmosphere. There was no doubt he had such control over himself. She closed her eyes, reliving the way he allowed the arrow to glide away from his long, thin fingers, how the arrow reached its target with the utmost precision... The beauty in that moment. Another arrow shoots into the tree, a little off of its target.

 _But that wasn't the most important thing.._ She thought to herself as she replayed the scene in her mind. The power of Soo-Won and Hak working together. They truly were the best team, even as enemies. _If he wouldn't have…._ Shaking her head as if to stop her thoughts from going any further, the princess returned to her practicing. This time shooting directly above the first arrow. As she bent down to reach for another arrow she heard the sound of a stick crack. Immediately she turned around, worried that it might be a soldier. Instead, it was someone she least expected to see.

His blonde hair shimmered like an angel's under the moon's glow. His light green eyes showing just as much surprise as her own. For what felt like an eternity, neither of them moved. Instead, they silently stared at one another, unable to voice what they wanted to say, unable to express what needed to be expressed.

"Yona…" Soo-Won was the first to break the spell of silence. Her heart ached when hearing him call her name, no matter how many months it has been, no matter how long they had been apart, his voice still managed to pull a part of her.

"Soo-Won.." Yona responded unable to look away from his gaze. This is how it always is. They see each other and are lost. Like half a soul torn apart, yet unable to figure out how to fit back together, this was them. A star crossed dream of what could have been, a constant blood stained reminder of why they cannot ever be, but yet… a connection that was undeniable. Yona looked down at the ground, her face showing the slightest sign of pain.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, her voice trying to sound cold, but only sounding hurt and longing.

"I was just going for a walk… I couldn't rest." He responded, not moving a muscle while controlling his tone and composure.

"Oh… I guess it's hard to sleep after a day like today." Her voice was calm for a moment as she stared absent mindedly into space. However, it didn't last long before her amethyst gaze returned to the king.

"… For saving Lili," Yona begun while bowing ever so slightly. "Thank you."

Her voice was soft, pained, yet sincere. Soo-Won's heart tightened when seeing this gesture. Never had he thought that she would ever thank him. How could she thank him after everything that he had done to her? The former princess didn't make any eye contact with the King instead she looked away at the river, trying to calm the swirling typhoon of emotions that filled her heart and soul. This man killed her father, this man was her first love, this man is someone so hard to not… forgive.

"….There is no need to thank me…... The water tribe needs Lady Lili…. I did what any king would do." He managed to say as he too looked away when saying the word 'king'. This was the first time since Awa that they had spoken alone, but only this time… He didn't sense any malice from her… nor any anger. His heart tightened at this. He deserved to be hated, yet here she was thanking him for saving someone under his protection. Looking down, he could see the bandages on her foot, his heart tightening even more. _Her injury.. It looks pretty severe… Should she be up-_

"It would be best if you and your men leave here soon. I don't know how my friends will react when seeing you after this point." Yona's voice cut off his train of thought as he looked up at her.

"…Does Hak know that you are out here alone?" Soo-Won asked, ignoring her comment, and instead focusing more on the fact that she is injured and standing alone in the middle of the forest.

"Does it matter?" She responded, to which he ignored once again.

"You're not afraid of being out here in the dark?" Soo-Won asked only to have Yona turn towards him. The moonlight shimmering off of her flame-like hair. The sparkling waters in the background giving her the appearance of a goddess.

"The nighttime isn't scary to me. I actually prefer these times. I feel that, whenever I'm out here I can come to understand my purpose even more." She responded as she gazed down at the bow in her hand. The way that she looked in that moment was almost mystical. He couldn't help but feel his heart skip a beat when seeing her standing there in contemplative thought. She wasn't anything like she used to be, she was a woman now.

"Soo-Won," The king stared at her in response, "I don't know if I will ever have the chance to tell you this again, so I will tell you now….. I have no desire to take my revenge for what happened in the past."

Soo-Won's eyes widened at this, but before he could respond, the beautiful young woman continued.

"Seeing Kouka Kingdom, seeing my people suffering… Seeing all of the corruption… All of the innocent lives lost…. I now understand why you did what you did. You did what you had to do to protect Kouka and the people in it….. Although, as a daughter, I can never forgive you for what you have done to my father, I acknowledge that you are the king Kouka needs…. You are the king that Hak and I always knew you would be."

"How can you say that after what I have done to you?" His voice was filled with a self hatred that she had never heard before, a coldness that was foreign to her ears. "I betrayed you, I caused you to suffer. I took everything from you, yet you say those things to me."

"Yes, you did." Yona's voice was strong and firm, causing Soo-Won to flinch ever so slightly. For some reason, being alone in her presence, was enough to bring down these walls. Something about this woman had changed how he approached her. "But through this, I became who I needed to be. I have grown stronger, and I have learned more about my people than I ever knew in the palace."

"Even so…. You shouldn't have to do this. You shouldn't have to be put in danger. I was hoping that you would remain hidden, away from danger…. Where you and Hak can both stay safe….. Somewhere far from my eyes." His honest response surprised him.

"This is the path I chose for myself. It is a path where I fight for my people…." Soo-Won returned his gaze to her. "….After seeing a child die in front of me because of a soldier, who had sworn to protect them, loses his temper…. After watching so many of my people die from starvation and oppression…. I decided for myself that I would no longer stand by and watch. I made a choice to fight."

Picking up her quiver, she flung it over her shoulder.

"As the forgotten Princess of Kouka Kingdom, I will pick up my sword and fight to protect my people. This is the decision that I have come to after seeing the state this kingdom is in. So, even though we aren't fighting together, we are fighting for the same purpose." Soo-Won stares at her, as she goes to walk away.

"Wait." His voice calls out before he can catch his tongue. Yona turns around and stares at him, slightly surprised by the forcefulness in his words. Soo-Won is equally surprised at his outburst. He doesn't even know what to say. What can he say? _I'm sorry?_ Like that would do any good.

"Is there something that you need?" Yona asks him, her voice a little calmer as she's regained a portion of her self control.

"Why do you not want to take revenge on me? I get that for this kingdom, you think I'm a suitable king, but is that the only reason… Answer me honestly…" He knows that he has no right to demand such an answer; however, he wants to hear it from her. He needs to hear her personal reason for this. Yona was silent a moment before looking directly into his eyes.

"Because, I cannot believe that the Soo-Won that I have known my whole life is a lie. I believe that you are still the kind, gentle person who showed me love when I needed it the most. I don't believe that a person like you is capable of being as heartless as you claimed to be that night. It's because, even though what you have done is terrible, I still believe that there is good in you. That is my reason." Her words flowed from her with confident sincerity. Soo-Won's eyes shimmered while absorbing every word she said. "But… I know that we can never go back… Even if you really are who I've always known you to be… We cannot erase this past."

Soo-Won's face darkened when hearing her last statement. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight before her. It was as if a piece of his mask had temporarily fallen from him. His eyes, they looked so sad and confused. It was as if she was staring at a young broken child. A person who for a moment felt just as lost as she did. He didn't say anything, instead he looked down at the ground.

"…I know… We can never go back to how things were… I made that decision that night…" He spoke without a filter, his words not hiding the sadness and self-hatred. Yona remained quiet for another moment, the tense atmosphere flooded the air around them. The longing of older days when they could both smile happily and laugh and play, were relived in both of their minds. Soo-Won looked back up at the girl. Standing there strongly with a bow in her hand. The elegance of a princess and the heart of a warrior. She had changed so much. He had never expected her to become who she has. There is no way that he could ever look at her as a little sister anymore. She was a woman, a beautiful woman with a pure heart.

"…. You've really turned into a wonderful woman, Yona." He told her while flashing a small bittersweet yet sincere smile. "It's a shame that I didn't see it sooner."

The princess was surprised for a moment, a small blush forming on her cheeks from the unexpected compliment. Sadness caressing her face for a mere second before disappearing.

"You wouldn't have seen it. This path that you set me on is what has turned me into the woman that I've become… But… I still have a long way to go before I am where I want to be…."

"I don't think you are…" He responds almost instantly, a soft look in his eyes. A look in which Yona had never seen before. "But, I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I know that you will achieve anything you set your mind to."

Yona smiled softly at this statement, her eyes holding the same bittersweet appearance as the man in front of her.

"You too." She said before turning around to leave. They both knew their path's would always be torn in the opposite direction, yet for the moment they both longed for the closeness they used to share. The Princess took a few hurried steps before stopping. Her body language looking like a fragile girl for the slightest amount of time. Before Soo-Won could do or say anything, she quickly turning her upper body around to face him once more. The smile of the princess he had always known returning to her face. "Even if we are apart, Hak and I will fight for Kouka… in the same battle you are… We all fight for the people of Kouka…So... Let's protect this kingdom. Even though we are apart..."

Small tears filled the corners of her eyes as she fought to keep them hidden.

"…..Goodbye.. King Soo-Won."

With those words, she walked off into the forest without turning back around. Soo-Won stood there unconsciously clutching his chest. His hand reached, unconsciously finding the ornament hidden in his cloak. He held on tightly to the hairpin as he gritted his teeth and looked down at the ground, a small tear sliding down the side of his face.

 _If I wouldn't have….._

...

 **Considering all the recent chapters, I couldn't stop myself from writing this scenario. I know Soo-Won and Yona is not very popular, but I love the angst in their relationship. I believe that their relationship is very beautiful in a very broken way. I hope that you guys liked it :)**


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